Bridal Shower Basics

Brides and those who love them often face some confusion concerning the hows and whys of throwing a bridal shower. With a few basic pointers, however, you can have a shower that is a worthy predecessor to the Big Day itself!

History

Friendship and support is at the center of the bridal shower tradition. While the origins are lost in legend, bridal showers have long been an opportunity for friends and community members who are not within the couple's family to demonstrate their emotional and practical support for the new household with gifts of household and other tangible goods. Because showers are meant to be an outpouring from the community, they are not usually arranged or hosted by blood relatives.

Etiquette

History and tradition play a role in bridal shower etiquette, but most brides expect and enjoy individual variations and creativity to mark this special time in their lives.

Bridal showers usually take place two months or less before the wedding date, though usually at least two weeks in advance to keep from interfering with wedding-related arrangements. One exception? Brides who plan destination weddings or who expect many long-distance travelers sometimes have their showers two days before the ceremony, when friends and family will be gathered together.

Traditionally, the maid of honor throws the bridal shower, though brides increasingly receive workplace, hometown, or other showers. For this reason, a bridal shower is no time for a surprise party. If you wish to throw a bridal shower for a friend, please ask her first. In addition, you will need her help to develop a schedule, an invitee list, a theme (if any) and guidelines concerning gifts.

Sunday afternoon is the traditional time for a bridal shower, but greatest convenience to the largest number is more important. Ideally, invitations should be sent out six weeks in advance of the shower date, and paper or printed invitations are the norm. Email or online invitations are not recommended. The invitation should ask for an RSVP (by mail or phone) and specify to whom the guest should reply. Usually the maid of honor or a bridesmaid receives RSVPs and keeps track of who will be attending. Registry information is not traditionally included in the invitation.

The first question usually asked by guests is therefore "What gift should I get the happy couple?" Most couples today register for gifts at well-known stores, and some showers highlight a particular need (for kitchen and dining gear, or for home improvement tools, for example). The hostess should make sure she knows where the couple is registered, their general needs, and any prohibitions. In all cases, guests should feel free to bring special gifts that express their feelings and support for the couple.

Games and favors

Entertaining guests who know each other only through the bride is one great challenge of bridal showers, and therefore a tradition of party games has evolved. These can take a variety of forms, but should focus on the bride and groom and avoid poor taste. Typical examples include trivia quizzes about the happy couple, building a veil or a wedding dress out of tissue paper and pins, or each guest taking a turn to share a cherished memory or heartfelt wish for those soon to be married. Games function well as icebreakers once everyone has had a bite and a chance to sit down, and before gifts are opened.

Party favors are optional, and should be simple and tasteful if offered. A wide range of items can be personalized with the bride's name and the shower date, and other gifts such as scented candles, bath oils or lotions, or home made treats are also appropriate.

Practical matters

The easiest, though more expensive way to hold a shower is to use a convenient restaurant: there are no cooking or clean-up responsibilities, and an endless array of food and decor options are available. At minimum, the person throwing the shower should provide guests with dessert: main meals at restaurant showers can be pay-as-you-go or totally catered as you see fit. Since showers are meant to support the launch of a new household, guests can be reasonably asked to cover their own meal costs if this is clearly stated in the invitation and if the restaurant has been chosen with some consideration for expense.

For the hostess, bridal shower planning should begin in earnest at about the same time that the invitations go out, or longer for more elaborate or larger parties. For restaurant showers, book a private room and guarantee as accurate as possible the number of attendees. If holding the shower in a private home, determine what food is necessary, and then decide what to prepare, what to purchase, or what to have catered. If a number of planners will be providing some or all of the food, make sure that the expectation about what and how much to bring is clear. The traditional afternoon shower usually features a light lunch or just snacks, desserts, and beverages.

For a home shower, make sure that there are enough chairs and tables for guests and food, and have fun selecting and placing decorations. To make it easier on the hostess, other bridesmaids should volunteer to help with the set up, take down, and clean up from the shower.

Finally, the hostess (or a volunteer) should keep a pen and paper handy to keep track of gifts and givers, and to make sure that she has proper contact information for each guest. The bride will appreciate a complete and detailed list when she sends her thank-you cards.