Wedding Stress is Normal

Stress and anxiety are normal, nearly universal parts of the wedding experience. There may or may not be a church, a gown, a limo or a cake, but you can rely on wedding stress.

The road to wedding stress is paved with good intentions.

There may or may not be a church, a gown, a limo or a cake, but you can rely on wedding stress.

Stress is varied but universal. Brides are often more emotionally invested in wedding plans, while grooms might be more concerned about costs, commitments, or why weird things like cummerbunds are suddenly so important. Whether you are a bride or a groom, expect all kinds of stress can to show up.

Forewarned is forearmed. If you expect stress in planning your wedding, you will be better prepared to make better decisions in the face of the many decisions, details, and parties to the event that you will work with every day. If you understand the way you are feeling, you will know that it is natural and avoid the stress of confusion, as well! It also promotes better communication between you and your partner, and a clearer awareness of what you can handle and what you cannot. Being aware of your stress may help you focus on the situation rather than reacting to or getting upset at each other.

Don't try to satisfy the world. It is extremely common for brides and grooms to face a long list of traditions, relatives, friends, and vendors that all proffer expectations about the wedding. Before the others chime in, talk to your partner about what's most important, and decide between you the two or three biggest desires you have for your wedding-then stick to them. Develop a budget, and don't let yourself get pushed beyond your number. Let the people around you know that you are listening and that you care, but set realistic expectations concerning what you want, what you can afford, and where you are prepared to compromise.

The perfection addiction. The recent press concerning "Bridezillas" focuses on the latter's drive for perfection and the feelings, relationships, and budgets that get trashed on the way. Instead, take a step back and a deep breath. Your wedding will be a great day, filled with the people you love and probably a few snafus to make it memorable. Your partner, family, and friends love you for your whole package of strengths and weak spots-not the perfect show you are capable of putting on. They will feel the same way about your wedding.

Dubious details. Do you have feelings of anxiety that focus on just a few aspects of your upcoming wedding? Will you stutter? Will you stumble? Can you dance? If so, some visualization techniques may help. On your own, set aside some time to unwind, then think about each anxiety-provoking moment step by step, and visualize each moment moving forward smoothly. This is worth repeating several times, until you can really see how things will go. Psychologists use visualization for everything from pain management to fertility treatment: it is a powerful tool that can help you with a wide variety of daunting tasks.

Stop shaking, and then shake it up! Whether or not you love the gym, exercise is a great way to shed stress. Your brain manufactures nature's own mood enhancers, endorphins, when you engage in physical exercise, and most people report greater calm and clarity after a work out. When events seem to spin out of control, take a break-as little as half an hour for a quick bike ride, run around the block, or a brisk walk. Raise your heart rate and lower your adrenalin!

Don't put up with poison pills. Some of your closest friends know how to cut closest to the bone, and weddings are one of the most likely times for a wide range of human emotions-jealousy, insecurity, resentment, fear-to come to the fore. Maybe these relatives or friends just cast doubt where once you were sure, maybe they just know the easiest way to stoke up an explosion. When you are feeling very stressed, first ask for a break, and then avoid potent people who don't play fair.

Seek out survivors. Do you have family, college roommates, or other friends who have been there before? If you have been supportive of them, make sure that you take advantage of their wisdom or the outlet for your own emotions that good friends (particularly neutral third parties) can be.