There's no need to break the bank when you tie the knot:
The "Nice Girl's" Guide to Wedding Negotiations

By Elizabeth Austin

Here's how to drive the best possible deal.

That's understandable - but it's not very smart, says Alan Fields, co-author of the book Bridal Bargains: Secrets to Throwing a Fantastic Wedding on a Realistic Budget. "There is no proven scientific relationship between the amount of money you spend and how happy your marriage is," Fields says.

If you plan ahead and master some basic negotiating strategies, you'll probably be able to shave hundreds (maybe thousands) off the price of your wedding - and you won't spend your honeymoon bickering with your new husband over the astonishing size of your Visa bill.

STEP ONE: SIMMER DOWN
Lets face it. When brides dream of the Big Day, when they'll float down the aisle (or across the beach ) in a long, flowing white veil (or crown of fresh orchids), none of those daydreams involve hours spent thumbing through the Yellow Pages looking for a cheaper stephanotis source. So your first job is to pull yourself together and stop being silly and sentimental; when it comes to planning your wedding, you're a consumer - not a fairy princess. Don't let the canny folks on the other side of the desk talk you into spending more than you can afford by appealing to your emotions.

So sit down with everyone concerned and figure out precisely how much you have to spend. Be reasonable, and think about your long-term financial goals. You can have a lovely wedding at any price point. Set a realistic budget, and don't go a penny over it.

PLAN 'B' - FOR BRIDE
Now it's time to do your research and start comparison-shopping. You may have a vision of the perfect setting, the perfect florist, and the perfect caterer. That's great. But you'll be in a much better bargaining position if you do your homework and find out the prevailing prices. If everybody else in town is charging $25 a head for a chicken dinner and your caterer is asking $60, you need to ask why.

Ask for an itemized price list, and then go to the phones, advises event planner Shelley Rote, managing member and director of sales of Signature Events in New Orleans. If your caterer is charging $70 for a table and eight chairs, call your local rental company. If they're charging only $35 per table, give your caterer a polite ultimatum; match the retail price, or you'll rent the tables yourself. (Rental companies give caterers substantial breaks off the retail price, so your caterer will still make a profit.) Similarly, a caterer may charge up $10 to $15 per person for linens. Go to a local outlet store and you can probably buy linens for less, Rote says.

WIN-WIN FOR WEDDINGS
One key to successful negotiating is the ability to put yourself in the other person's shoes. By using empathy and trying to see the situation from their standpoint, you'll be able to come up with solutions that work for both of you.

So stop thinking like a bride, and start thinking like a caterer. "Everyone wants to get married on a Saturday night in June or August," Fields says. But if you are willing to get married during the "off-season," or on a weeknight, the caterer may be willing to cut a better price to keep busy on an otherwise empty night. Even bridal shops are willing to give price breaks a few weeks out of the year, Fields reveals. "The prices are generally what the price tag says - unless you happen to walk in the first or second week in December. Right before Christmas, people are busy with other things, but the bridal shop owners still have to pay rent, utilities and salaries. Boy, they're really flexible from Thanksgiving to Christmas." But don't delay. On December 26, prices firm up again as the shops brace for the barrage of brides who got their engagement rings on Christmas Day.

You should know that many reception sites, caterers, photographers and florists charge higher rates for weddings than for other big parties. Reporters at one Boston TV station actually did a test, calling local merchants to check prices for a retirement party for 50 people, then calling back to ask them to price a similar-sized wedding on the same day. Eight out of 10 charged brides higher prices.

Partly, that's because they know emotional, dewy-eyed brides are willing to pay more, Fields says. But it's also because those merchants know from bitter experience that bridal parties can be incredibly aggravating. "They have to put up with more changes and mood swings, and they end up working twice as hard," Rote says.

It's okay to be a little cagey when you're making your first round of calls. Tell them you're planning a "family party," and don't say the W word until you've seen a price list. But once you've chosen your vendors, come clean and tell them it's your wedding. Then try to put together an agreement that saves you money (but protects them from your mom's notorious inability to make up her mind.) Ask for the basic non-wedding price; if you change your menu more than once, or if you call more than 10 times, you'll then pay an agreed-upon fee for inflicting unnecessary angst.

DON'T BE A SHY BRIDE
When you're working with a tight budget, tell your vendors and ask what they can do to help you keep costs low. "Look to the caterer for their expertise," Rote says. Suppose you've set your heart on starting dinner with a little plate of marinated seafood - only to find that it nearly doubles the cost of the meal. "Maybe you can do something else, like wild mushrooms, that appears exotic without as much expense," she says.

And don't fold up like a fancy dinner napkin just because somebody puts a line item on a price list. Take, for instance, those outrageous "cake-cutting fees" caterers sometimes charge to serve the incredibly expensive cake you bought somewhere else.

For a dollar a person, you can ask your aunt to wield the cake knife - and save a couple hundred bucks right there.

READ THE FINE PRINT
Whatever you do, make sure you read the contracts very carefully. Don't be impulsive. Read the fine print before you pay that non-refundable deposit on the romantic reception site of your dreams. If that charming historic home has an exclusive contract with a caterer, you could end up paying exorbitant rates for a mediocre meal.

Ask some pointed questions about price increases. Most weddings are planned six months to a year in advance, Fields says. If prices rises, will you end up paying far more than your expected budget?

"We've have brides and grooms who have booked a caterer and been promised $35 a person," he says. "Then three months before the wedding, they get ready to do the menu and suddenly its $45 a person." At that point, you're in a tough spot, without much room to negotiate. So lock in the price before you sign.

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