A Catchy Ring

Element of Surprise Key to Men Planning Engagement

By K. T. Leeson
Copley News Service

Nervous men enter diamond stores with that "deer caught in headlights" look, blinded by hundreds of shiny choices, worried about their budget and armed with little information about what kind of engagement ring their intended would want.

"They'd like to surprise her, but they don't know how," says Jeff Martin, general manager of John Franklin Jewelers in San Diego.

Over the last few years, Martin says he had been seeing what he thought was an unfortunate trend of couples coming in together to look for an engagement ring.

But in just the last year, he's seen an increase of guys "wanting to be creative and surprising."

And Martin is a firm believer in the romance of surprise, so much so that he counsels grooms-to-be.

So how do you get her the ring she wants without sacrificing the element of surprise? Martin suggests that the boyfriend listen for hints and educate himself about what she likes before making that big purchase.

The two most important factors, he says, are the shape of the diamond and the color of the metal of the ring itself.

In order to get that information, Martin has one particular plan that seems to be fail-proof: take her to a mall where there is both a movie theater and a jewelry store; arrive well before the movie starts and buy the tickets in advance; kill time by strolling around the mall and wander, seemingly spur-of-the-moment, into a jewelry store; once in the store, see what styles she gravitates toward. (If you are still unable to determine the basic style, Martin suggests a simple solitaire, which can be re-mounted or paired with a wedding band later).

After determining the type of ring, the next important step is to get the right size.

"Once women get that ring, they want to wear it," says Martin. He suggests "the pinky test": Abscond with one of her rings, he advises, put it around your own pinky finger and see which knuckle it fits.

Once the ring is chosen, Martin even goes so far as to counsel his clients on special ways to pop the question.

Recently, a client named Brian spent $5,700 on a platinum ring with a one-carat princess-cut center diamond and half-carat trillion diamonds on each side. Martin asked, "How are you going to propose to her?" to which the fiance-to-be responded, "Oh, I'll just take her to dinner."

Martin would have none of that. Instead, he encouraged Brian to think of things they like to do as a couple and incorporate the proposal into those activities.

After a brief discussion about how Brian and his bride-to-be, Becky, like to go tide pooling together and that Becky likes to open up clam shells to see what's inside, Martin came up with an idea: How about sneaking the ring into a clam shell and letting her discover the hidden jewel?

Martin's own proposal nine years ago was very similar. He and his then-girlfriend, who often snorkeled together, were at a place called Lover's Beach at the tip of Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Martin went underwater, pretending to dig for buried treasure. He surfaced with what he had found at the bottom of the ocean: his bride-to-be's engagement ring!

Martin isn't alone in his firm belief in surprise engagement rings. The Diamond Information Center, a New York-based public relations firm representing the Diamond Trading Company, recommends finding out what she likes and presenting it to her. Their theory is based on surveys conducted on their Web site, www.adiamondisforever.com.

Under a section called "Buying the Rock: 101," several tips are given on how to find out what she wants: ask around (she's likely given clues to friends or family); check out what kind of jewelry she wears (does she like to wear bigger pieces that make a statement or is she more refined, simple or classic?); and pay attention to the comments she makes when passing by a jewelry store, looking through magazine ads or admiring a friend's ring.

The Diamond Information Center contends that most women prefer to be surprised by having the ring presented to them.

"Having her involved in the actual purchase of the diamond engagement ring takes away from the romance and excitement of being surprised," says Brandee Dallow, account supervisor for the DIC. For hopeful brides who don't want to leave anything to chance, the "Design Your Own Engagement Ring" page on the site can be just the answer.

Shoppers can create their own ring with the band, center and side stones or browse through a database of nearly 7,500 predesigned diamond engagement rings. The final design can be saved on the computer hard-drive into a "jewelry box" with a personalized note and printed out to bring to a local jeweler. Or e-mailed as a not-so-subtle hint to that certain someone!

The Diamond Boutique in San Diego is another proponent of sneaky engagement plans. But within reason.

"Keep it a surprise as much as possible," says Ali Digius, store manager of the Diamond Boutique and a gemologist certified by the Gemological Institute of America.

"Of course, she might know the design or the shape, but he still takes the time to surprise her on a specific date or in another way. Every guy who's ever been a romantic will have that element of surprise," he says.

Digius recalled a customer who recently spent $15,000 on a ring, which his fiancee-to-be helped pick out. But he waited several weeks, made her a candlelight dinner and presented it then.

"She knew the ball had started rolling," says Digius, "but she didn't know when it was going to stop."